At the end of last year, I wrote about the death of my cat, Miso. I received many loving responses which truly touched my heart. I was so thankful for all the kind words. Letting go of anyone that we love is difficult. What has helped me through this time is communicating with her spirit. In this blog I want to share with you some techniques to communicate with and recognize signs from your pet.
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While I was waiting for Carol, my veterinarian, to arrive at my home to euthanize Miso, I had a long talk with her. I asked her not to reincarnate but instead to wait for me in Heaven. Pets may reincarnate many times with you in this life, or they may wait for you to take your last breath and then welcome you into the afterlife. Pets will reincarnate fairly quickly. Depending on your life situation, they will gladly come back into your life. I recognized many years ago that Miso struggled with her health. I wanted her to go and rest. I was willing to be introduced to a new spirit. I knew she agreed and promised to stay close.

Communicating with pets that have died can be highly therapeutic, aiding the grieving process by relaying messages of love and closure. How do you recognize when your pet is trying to communicate with you? For me, it is usually during my meditation. I will see Miso standing in my vision. A feeling of warmth comes over me, and a connection is made.

Other signs are:
    • Telepathic messages of thoughts or feelings.
    • A shadow quickly moving at the bottom of your peripheral vision.
    • Scents that remind you of your pet.
    • The impression of a beloved pet jumping on the bed or sofa.
    • Visitation in a dream.
    • Objects related to your pet getting your attention.
    • Clouds creating a vision.
    • Your living pet suddenly staring into space. Animals have a keen ability to see spirit.

Pets and people who have shared the bond of love on Earth will always be connected by this energy. Love is a very powerful energy, creating its own communication. When we love our pet, this bond will not be broken by death. The souls are linked, and when you are in need of this companion, your pet will find his or her way into your arms. This connection will be made whether it is here on Earth or at the moment that you enter into the afterlife.

I offer pet sessions in which I am able to communicate with the spirit of your pet. During this session, you will be able to understand your pet’s perception of his or her last moments. This communication will help you to understand his or her journey and allow you to heal and bring closure to a very traumatic experience.

For those who are friends with me on Facebook, you have already read about my difficult December. My best furry friend died on December 5th. My cat Miso was the love of my life. When I wrote, she sat on my desk and occasionally touched my face. She was my muse while writing the book “Healing the Heart of Grief.” She was and is an amazing cat. The pain of her death was so deep that it is only now that I am finally able to talk about her.
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I understand and honor death; but with Miso, I was not expecting it. It all happened so fast. Within two weeks of treatment for an ear infection, I came to understand that it was not treatable. It became obvious that it was not an ear infection but instead a brain tumor. When I had that realization, the next day I euthanized her. I refused to let this tumor take her dignity away. Before she died, I asked her not to return to this life but to wait for me in spirit. One day we will be together again in a place where sickness does not exist.

A week later, my daughter found me another Siamese kitten. The person that had this kitten relinquished her. I wasn’t sure; it felt all too soon. I remembered the advice that I give to my clients: “Do not dwell in the past but look ahead and find a new soul to love.” The kitten became available on December 11, the date that I celebrate my mother’s transition into spirit. I surrendered my grief; it all fell into place. I know it was synchronicity.

I now have a wonderful kitten whom I call Luna. She will never take Miso’s place, but she has been put into my life to be my new companion on my journey in this life. Miso is not far. On certain days when I meditate, I can see her beautiful soul sitting next to my spirit guides. She is still my inspiration.

I want to thank everyone who shared their time with me in 2023. I so appreciate you. As you go into 2024, be kind to yourself. When someone you love has died, recently or even years ago, the new year can bring on waves of emotions. You don’t have to put expectations upon yourself. Permit yourself to embrace your feelings. If you feel joyful, don’t feel guilty. The spirit of your loved one embraces your joy. If you feel sad, allow those feeling to flow through you.
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There is an identity shift that comes with death. Whether it is a spouse, parent, child, a friend or a pet, their absence in your life will force change upon your soul. Most of us try to resist that change, believing that getting through the pain means trying to remain the same. That is not always true. When we allow death to be a rebirth, then we can give ourselves the opportunity to heal. We will grow with the experience rather than against it. As you let yourself grow, remember that the soul of your loved one is also going through change, and it is so beautiful when you can grow with each other. Growth is not letting go of a loved one but instead binding your souls together.

Let this year be a new year of letting go. Not of your loved one, but of what was. You will never let go of the love and connection that you shared, and neither will your loved one. His or her spirit will hold you close forever as he or she embraces your growth.

Maybe this new year can bring a daily ritual where you can take a few minutes to connect with your loved one. We all talk to their spirits throughout our day, but Spirit reminds me that we need to sit quietly so they can respond.

Find a quiet place, sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Then take a moment to breathe and become attuned to your body. Take note of everything that you are experiencing in this moment. Do not resist what you see. If you think you are sad, scattered or whatever emotion, let yourself accept these feelings. This is who you are in this moment, and that is okay.
Imagine that you are rising up above yourself and looking down. Visualize a hug. Forgive yourself for anything you think that you are doing wrong. Allow yourself to feel acceptance and love. Meet yourself with true compassion. As you open to love, you will feel the spirit of your loved one connecting with you, joining you as you grow together. When you are ready, return to your body and take some slow, deep breaths before you open your eyes.

If at first you don’t feel the connections, please, please don’t be discouraged. It may take a few tries. The bond is there. Keep on loving yourself, and through that love, you will find a new and wonderful soul connection.

With many blessings on your journey to growth throughout this new year.

During my childhood, December was always a wonderful month. My mother loved Christmas. Christmas Eve was her birthday, so all the family gathered at our house. My father sold Christmas trees, and my mother spent her days joyfully preparing for Christmas. She shopped and shopped, sent Christmas cards, baked cookies and decorated the house. I was always by her side; I was her helper. 🔊 Listen
As the years went on, her Christmas tree became smaller, yet the house was still decorated. Even though her Christmas card list became shorter, she still sent her cards. Her batches of cookies became smaller, but still she baked. Most of our family members had died, but those who were left gathered around her on Christmas Eve until she died.

My mother died in my home on December 11, 2012, so December has become a bittersweet time for me. The other day when I was cleaning my house and getting ready to decorate, I could feel a blanket of sadness cover me. I missed my mother. I stood and embraced my feelings, and within that minute, a picture fell from the shelf. As I looked at it on the floor, I saw the frame had opened. I kneeled to put it back together and then realized it was my mother’s picture. As I laid the picture back into the frame, I noticed that there was something written on the back of the picture. She had written me a message in hopes that I would find it at the right time. This was truly a sign and given to me at the ideal moment. It was dated 8/4/06.

The message read:
To my Daughter with love.
I love you always.
May God bless you and keep you in his care.
Forever, Mom

Wishing you love and peace and the warm connection with spirit this holiday season.

Each month, I give a lot of thought to the message that I want to share with you. November is by far the hardest month because I feel that I want to incorporate Thanksgiving. When we think of Thanksgiving, we feel that we must give thanks. For those who are grieving, thanks can be hard to express, and gathering with family can trigger sadness and anxiety.
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Don’t get me wrong. I feel that gratitude is a tremendous source of healing. Yet there are times when gratitude flows easily and other times when we have to dig deep. Gratitude is a way of thinking that produces feelings of appreciation, love, joy and well-being. This way of thinking opens the gateway of the spiritual heart which allows us to access intuition, inner peace, guidance and inspiration.

Start small. Find thanks for the little things but most of all for the memories that you hold in your heart. When you remember the life that you shared with loved ones who are no longer in their physical bodies, know that their souls can still connect with you. When you share their memories, know that they are near. The most powerful memory, which is also the most deeply-rooted, is the memory of oneness and connection. Allow yourself to again feel that connection, a deep knowing that your loved one is close. That is a reason to give thanks.

In this spirit of Gratitude, I wish you all a very Happy November.

Those who read my blog regularly know that I love to quote the dead. When I communicate with them, the words of knowledge they give me is sometimes so profound that I have to share it with you. When you die, you don’t just instantly become evolved, but your perception changes. These changes then create a clearer picture of life.
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My client Diane was having an extremely difficult and debilitating time with the death of her husband. I would like to share the insightful words spoken to her, through me, from the spirit of her husband. “I now exist in peace. I am surrounded by those who have died before me. I am working on my soul. I am in my forever place holding a seat for you. When I come to visit you, I try to leave you a message; but instead of feeling my presence, you block me with a mind of sadness, regret and guilt. My darling, remember my death was the way it was supposed to be. I am healed. Please do not let your life die with me. Stop canceling your joy to honor my physical absence. Instead find your new purpose. My spirit is still alive; do not let yours die. It is not time, not yet. I promise you that one day we will be together again, but until then, honor my life by living yours.”

As you may know, I have added a new aspect to my life as a medium. I now go to the bedside of those who are dying. Read more about this work at https://spiritualdying.com/.

In many of my teachings, I try to bring an understanding of death. Through understanding, we can find comfort. This poem by Rev. Luther F. Beecher does a wonderful job of describing an abstract view of the the soul’s journey.
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WHAT IS DYING
by Rev. Luther F. Beecher

I’m standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails
to the morning breeze, and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch her
until she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky
come down to meet and mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, “There, she’s gone.”
Gone where? Gone from my sight–that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side,
and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, and not in her.
And just at that moment when someone at my side says, “There, she’s gone”
there are other eyes watching her coming; and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout: “There she comes!”

And that is “dying”.

As I sit and reflect on my day, I come to the realization that I am amazed by my clients. My clients are truly my teachers. Even after so many years of being a medium, I still am able to learn so much about life through the understanding of death.

Today I had two clients, the first whom I will call Peggy. During Peggy’s session, the first loved one to come through was her father followed by her grandparents. Then Peggy became uncomfortable as if she were waiting for someone else. As I continued to focus, I saw a young man standing there. He introduced himself to me as Peggy’s son. Peggy started sobbing and kept repeating the word, “Why.” Peggy’s son told me to tell his mom that he was sorry, but he could not continue in life.
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He begged her to understand that he is finally at peace, but he still needs her to accept his choice. He needs her to be okay. The more he tried to explain, the more she cried. My heart felt her pain, but my soul felt her son’s frustration. She explained to me that she was supposed to save him. She tried to help him, but instead he fell deeper and deeper into depression. As she sobbed, all she could say was that she had failed as a mother. Unfortunately, Peggy was so deep into grief, guilt, regret and despair that she could not feel the love that her son had for her. His soul desperately needs her not only to forgive him but to forgive herself.

My next client I will call Ann. During Ann’s session, I saw the spirit of a young man jump in very quickly. All I could think was, “Oh no, not another death of a son.” But to my surprise this situation was very different. I softly asked Ann if her son was in spirit, and her answer was, “Yes.” He told me to tell her that he was now well. Ann smiled and said, “I know.” She told me that they struggled for years trying to heal his depression, but nothing helped. He just could not function on this earth. She explained that there is not a moment that goes by that she does not miss him, but as long as he has found peace, she will be fine until they are together again. I could feel this amazing connection that death has not ended. For the rest of our session, Ann’s son kept bringing to me many spirits, some family, some friends. It was like a reunion. He was so funny and lighthearted just as he once was long ago in life. Ann thanked me for reassuring her that he was healed.

I realized that both young men, approximately the same age, both committed suicide yet each was having a different death experience. The experience revolved around the people left behind. The first boy tried so hard to explain to his mother that none of it was her fault and this was his journey, but unfortunately she could not understand. Even in death he feels he has disappointed his mother and is still causing her pain. Peggy has made another appointment, and I am hopeful that her son, through me, will help her find acceptance, so both can find peace and a new connection. Ann, however, understands that this was her son’s choice, and it has nothing to do with her. She knows how hard he tried in life, yet nothing changed. She understands that he will now figure things out in heaven. She will support his process while living on Earth. Before she left, she did ask him for one thing: That he continue to show her signs and stay by her side.

Together, the stories of these two clients were such a reminder that souls are intertwined even after death. Healing is so important and includes coming to terms with how one left this earth, a process that is essential in order to develop your new relationship.

As I sit outside on this warm day, I reflect back on the summers of my past. The memories of these summers are wonderful. My family gathered together for picnics in the back yard. Whether it was at our house or at one of my aunt’s, my mother was the life of the party. Fourth of July was always special because we’d go to the beach and watch the fireworks. After my father died, it was hard for my mother, but we still got together with her family.
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As an adult, I took my children to visit my mother. My mother was now old, and most of her family had died, but we still would have a picnic and then go to the beach and watch the fireworks. To this day my children treasure the summers spent with my mother. It is so important after your loved ones have died to continue to make the memories for those who are still alive. These memories are a part of us throughout our lives and even after we die.

Dr. Ajmal Zemmar, a neurosurgeon at the University of Louisville, organized a study on an 87-year-old man who had seizures. The study’s purpose was to record the brain’s activity during death. “Just before and after the heart stopped working, we saw changes in a specific band of neural oscillations, so-called gamma oscillations, but also in others such as delta, theta, alpha, and beta oscillations. Brain oscillations, also known as ‘brain waves’, are patterns of rhythmic brain activity. Through generating oscillations involved in memory retrieval, the brain may be playing a last recall of important life events just before we die, similar to the ones reported in near-death experiences,” Dr. Zemmar said. “Something we may learn from this research is: although our loved ones have their eyes closed and are ready to leave us to rest, their brains may be replaying some of the nicest moments they experienced in their lives.”

I can take this even further because when a spirit communicates with me, he or she shows me the cherished moments in their lives. Yes, at the time of death but even long after the brain dies. The spirit part of the mind lives on in these very important moments.

Go today and make the memories that will become part of your being, long after death, and that will live inside the hearts of the living.

Last month, I wrote about a mother’s grief, so this month I want to touch on a father’s grief. In my work as a medium, I have sat in sessions with both moms and dads whose child has died. In some sessions, they have sat together; but most of the time, either the mom or dad will come to see me separately. The reason is because only one is ready to communicate with the spirit of their child.
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Kenneth Doka and Terry Martin coined the terms “Intuitive” and “Instrumental” to describe grieving styles. Intuitive grievers experience their grief as very intense waves of emotion. Their feelings are very strong and are fully expressed. Their grief response is usually focused on exploring and expressing these emotions. Instrumental grievers are less feeling-based. They experience their grief more cognitively and physically. They want to problem solve to adapt to the new normal. They often direct their sadness into physical activity. Usually woman are intuitive and men are instrumental grievers. I have also seen men express their grief through their emotions, but most of the time, they feel they must hold it together for their family.

When a couple is coping with the death of their child in such a different ways, it can cause problems in their relationship. A couple came to see me after the death of their six-year-old son. Their son, Will, came into their bedroom very early in the morning asking for breakfast. His father told him it was too early and to go back to bed. As his spirit explained to me, instead of going back to bed, “I was hungry so I was going to the kitchen to get some cookies. Instead of walking down our steps, I felt myself tumbling down. It was so much fun until my nana picked me up, hugged me and took me to a magical place. I thought I was in Narnia.” His parents confirmed to me that Will loved Narnia and that Dad’s mother, whom Will called Nana, had recently died.

Two years later, the father came to see me. He wanted to check in with Will. He explained to me that he and his wife separated because she felt he never grieved Will’s death. She also blamed him for not taking responsibility because he did not get up that morning. He explained to me that every waking moment, he blamed himself. The pain was so deep that he could not cry. Instead he worked all the time to keep his mind busy. The spirit of his son told me to tell his father that it was not his fault. Will woke that morning with a mission, and his mission was to go back to heaven. It would have happened even if both were going down the steps together. Will died instantly, and his father could not have saved him. Finally the tears rolled down the father’s cheek, and he started to sob uncontrollably. The healing had begun.

I still remember, as if it were yesterday, my parents arguing on the back porch. I was only seven, and it was two years after my brother died. My mother’s grief was overwhelming. My mother cried all the time, and my father never shed a tear. He told my mother that his health was declining, and he could not stay in the marriage if she did not control her emotions. My mother came in from the back porch loudly repeating, “Crying on the inside, laughing on the outside.” I never thought my father grieved the death of my brother, but he did. He was an instrumental griever. It took my parents years, but they were able to heal together.

Each person grieves differently. There is no right or wrong. The common thread in every session is that the spirit does not want to be the reason that its two most important people are now miserable because the end of his or her life came too early. Through the grief, remember that your child wants you to heal and that one day you will be together again.