For many of us the holidays are bittersweet. We try to show joy for those we share the holidays with, but it is not always easy. Especially when you are grieving, the sadness can be over powering. We want the holidays to be the way they were in the past, but sadly to say, we can’t go back. How do we move forward?
December 24th was my mother’s birthday. Far back as I can remember Christmas Eve was always a big celebration in my home. My family would gather, open gifts, share stories, and there would be much laughter and joy. There was never a Christmas Eve that I missed. My mother was the matriarch of the family, she kept the family together even after my father died. Since my mother has died, my family has separated and Christmas Eve will never be the same.
My children are also having a difficult time: they miss their grandmother. I must start my own traditions. I want it to be a tradition that I can share with my children, but I want to still include my mother. I sat in a meditation and asked what can I do different on this day. At first it was hard to get an answer because spirit doesn’t select special days of the year. For them we should treat every day as a holiday. But as I sat there, the answer came to me; we will go to the shrine of Padre Pio in Barto, PA. My mother loved Padre Pio and would enjoy spending time at his shrine. She spent time in the prayer garden, saying prayers and lighting candles for all who have crossed over, and now it is her turn. We will light a candle in her honor, and send her prayers. Later, we will go to the movies and afterwards we will have a pizza. In the evening I will spend time in gratitude.
I want to share a story about one of my clients because I admire her willingness to change. Her son died this year and this will be he family’s first Christmas without him. She told me how her son loved the holidays, because he loved to give gifts to others. She and her son would shop together and buy thoughtful gifts for those in need. She could not bear the thought of Christmas without him. My client knew she had to change the holiday routines this year. She will be flying to California with her husband and daughter to visit her daughter who lives in California, instead of her daughter coming east as she always had in the past. This is a major change in everyone’s life and a huge step toward healing.
Personally, I feel the holidays are overrated because we put so much pressure on these man made days. Why do we have to wait for a holiday to see people we care about? Why are we too busy during the year to invite our friends and family over for dinner? Why do we need a special day to send a card, buy a gift or to tell someone you love them?
The new year is a wonderful time for new beginnings, to let go of resentments and regrets. Please take some time to take care of yourself. Find time to be with nature, look up at the sky, listen to the birds and feel the cool air touching your face. Go within and follow your breath. Know that your loved one’s spirit is with you and as you take time to honor yourself you will feel the love and the joy from above filling your heart.
Warmest wishes of love and peace through out this new year.