Today I went on an incredible journey. I had a spiritual visitation from my Dad. No words were spoken as I hugged him, but within my heart I could feel his love. It felt so good that we have found acceptance, forgiveness and love.
My dad died 27 years ago but does not visit me much. We had a difficult relationship. After the death of my brother my dad closed down emotionally. It was as if he was afraid to love another child. (In my book “A Second Chance To Say Goodbye” I talk about my brother’s death and the impact it had on my life.) I was only 5 years old at the time of my brother’s death. It was all very confusing to me. I could not understand the absence of emotions from him while there was such a flux of affection from my mother going on at the same time. Dad pulled away, and mom grabbed on to me. My mother thought she could replace my dad’s love, but she was wrong. One person does not have the power to love for another. As the years went on I tried desperately to get his attention. I did whatever I could to pull some sort of emotion out of his heart. I learned very quickly that the only way to get his attention was to be disobedient. At 18 I attempted suicide. While I was hospitalized I asked that only my father be allowed to visit. Even at his visits I could see the disappointment in his face and hear the lack of understanding in his voice.
At 20 years old I moved to New York City and as the years went on we became further and further apart. He became ill with heart disease and suffered multiple heart attacks. By the age of 65 he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and his body quickly deteriorated. I came home often to visit and help my mother. I watched my dad sink down even more as he became trapped in an immobile body. I asked him to love me but his response was that I was not lovable. He died with a lifetime of unsaid words.
Even though I am a medium it took a little over a year after he died to communicate with him. My mother had many visitations but mine were few. When I did hear from him I was finally able to start my healing process. I got a clearer understanding of my dad’s unhappy childhood. I now understand he did love me in his own way but was not able to engage in my drama. His heart was full of pain after my brother’s death, and his only way to deal with his grief was to shut down. He wanted comfort from my mother but she pulled away and became consumed with me, which in turn, created more conflict. After death, through his soul’s journey, he observed his life. He was able to see and feel the pain his actions caused others. Through our communication I realized I needed to take responsibility for my behavior and for disrespecting him. I forgave him but most of all I forgave myself. This understanding brought forth a new meaning to our lives together. I feel at peace through the healing that has occurred.Resolution doesn’t always happen when a person is alive, it can still happen in your heart after death, through spiritual communication.