During my childhood, December was always a wonderful month. My mother loved Christmas. Christmas Eve was her birthday, so all the family gathered at our house. My father sold Christmas trees, and my mother spent her days joyfully preparing for Christmas. She shopped and shopped, sent Christmas cards, baked cookies and decorated the house. I was always by her side; I was her helper. 🔊 Listen
As the years went on, her Christmas tree became smaller, yet the house was still decorated. Even though her Christmas card list became shorter, she still sent her cards. Her batches of cookies became smaller, but still she baked. Most of our family members had died, but those who were left gathered around her on Christmas Eve until she died.

My mother died in my home on December 11, 2012, so December has become a bittersweet time for me. The other day when I was cleaning my house and getting ready to decorate, I could feel a blanket of sadness cover me. I missed my mother. I stood and embraced my feelings, and within that minute, a picture fell from the shelf. As I looked at it on the floor, I saw the frame had opened. I kneeled to put it back together and then realized it was my mother’s picture. As I laid the picture back into the frame, I noticed that there was something written on the back of the picture. She had written me a message in hopes that I would find it at the right time. This was truly a sign and given to me at the ideal moment. It was dated 8/4/06.

The message read:
To my Daughter with love.
I love you always.
May God bless you and keep you in his care.
Forever, Mom

Wishing you love and peace and the warm connection with spirit this holiday season.

Each month, I give a lot of thought to the message that I want to share with you. November is by far the hardest month because I feel that I want to incorporate Thanksgiving. When we think of Thanksgiving, we feel that we must give thanks. For those who are grieving, thanks can be hard to express, and gathering with family can trigger sadness and anxiety.
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Don’t get me wrong. I feel that gratitude is a tremendous source of healing. Yet there are times when gratitude flows easily and other times when we have to dig deep. Gratitude is a way of thinking that produces feelings of appreciation, love, joy and well-being. This way of thinking opens the gateway of the spiritual heart which allows us to access intuition, inner peace, guidance and inspiration.

Start small. Find thanks for the little things but most of all for the memories that you hold in your heart. When you remember the life that you shared with loved ones who are no longer in their physical bodies, know that their souls can still connect with you. When you share their memories, know that they are near. The most powerful memory, which is also the most deeply-rooted, is the memory of oneness and connection. Allow yourself to again feel that connection, a deep knowing that your loved one is close. That is a reason to give thanks.

In this spirit of Gratitude, I wish you all a very Happy November.

Those who read my blog regularly know that I love to quote the dead. When I communicate with them, the words of knowledge they give me is sometimes so profound that I have to share it with you. When you die, you don’t just instantly become evolved, but your perception changes. These changes then create a clearer picture of life.
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My client Diane was having an extremely difficult and debilitating time with the death of her husband. I would like to share the insightful words spoken to her, through me, from the spirit of her husband. “I now exist in peace. I am surrounded by those who have died before me. I am working on my soul. I am in my forever place holding a seat for you. When I come to visit you, I try to leave you a message; but instead of feeling my presence, you block me with a mind of sadness, regret and guilt. My darling, remember my death was the way it was supposed to be. I am healed. Please do not let your life die with me. Stop canceling your joy to honor my physical absence. Instead find your new purpose. My spirit is still alive; do not let yours die. It is not time, not yet. I promise you that one day we will be together again, but until then, honor my life by living yours.”

As you may know, I have added a new aspect to my life as a medium. I now go to the bedside of those who are dying. Read more about this work at https://spiritualdying.com/.

In many of my teachings, I try to bring an understanding of death. Through understanding, we can find comfort. This poem by Rev. Luther F. Beecher does a wonderful job of describing an abstract view of the the soul’s journey.
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WHAT IS DYING
by Rev. Luther F. Beecher

I’m standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails
to the morning breeze, and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch her
until she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky
come down to meet and mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, “There, she’s gone.”
Gone where? Gone from my sight–that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side,
and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, and not in her.
And just at that moment when someone at my side says, “There, she’s gone”
there are other eyes watching her coming; and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout: “There she comes!”

And that is “dying”.

As I sit and reflect on my day, I come to the realization that I am amazed by my clients. My clients are truly my teachers. Even after so many years of being a medium, I still am able to learn so much about life through the understanding of death.

Today I had two clients, the first whom I will call Peggy. During Peggy’s session, the first loved one to come through was her father followed by her grandparents. Then Peggy became uncomfortable as if she were waiting for someone else. As I continued to focus, I saw a young man standing there. He introduced himself to me as Peggy’s son. Peggy started sobbing and kept repeating the word, “Why.” Peggy’s son told me to tell his mom that he was sorry, but he could not continue in life.
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He begged her to understand that he is finally at peace, but he still needs her to accept his choice. He needs her to be okay. The more he tried to explain, the more she cried. My heart felt her pain, but my soul felt her son’s frustration. She explained to me that she was supposed to save him. She tried to help him, but instead he fell deeper and deeper into depression. As she sobbed, all she could say was that she had failed as a mother. Unfortunately, Peggy was so deep into grief, guilt, regret and despair that she could not feel the love that her son had for her. His soul desperately needs her not only to forgive him but to forgive herself.

My next client I will call Ann. During Ann’s session, I saw the spirit of a young man jump in very quickly. All I could think was, “Oh no, not another death of a son.” But to my surprise this situation was very different. I softly asked Ann if her son was in spirit, and her answer was, “Yes.” He told me to tell her that he was now well. Ann smiled and said, “I know.” She told me that they struggled for years trying to heal his depression, but nothing helped. He just could not function on this earth. She explained that there is not a moment that goes by that she does not miss him, but as long as he has found peace, she will be fine until they are together again. I could feel this amazing connection that death has not ended. For the rest of our session, Ann’s son kept bringing to me many spirits, some family, some friends. It was like a reunion. He was so funny and lighthearted just as he once was long ago in life. Ann thanked me for reassuring her that he was healed.

I realized that both young men, approximately the same age, both committed suicide yet each was having a different death experience. The experience revolved around the people left behind. The first boy tried so hard to explain to his mother that none of it was her fault and this was his journey, but unfortunately she could not understand. Even in death he feels he has disappointed his mother and is still causing her pain. Peggy has made another appointment, and I am hopeful that her son, through me, will help her find acceptance, so both can find peace and a new connection. Ann, however, understands that this was her son’s choice, and it has nothing to do with her. She knows how hard he tried in life, yet nothing changed. She understands that he will now figure things out in heaven. She will support his process while living on Earth. Before she left, she did ask him for one thing: That he continue to show her signs and stay by her side.

Together, the stories of these two clients were such a reminder that souls are intertwined even after death. Healing is so important and includes coming to terms with how one left this earth, a process that is essential in order to develop your new relationship.

As I sit outside on this warm day, I reflect back on the summers of my past. The memories of these summers are wonderful. My family gathered together for picnics in the back yard. Whether it was at our house or at one of my aunt’s, my mother was the life of the party. Fourth of July was always special because we’d go to the beach and watch the fireworks. After my father died, it was hard for my mother, but we still got together with her family.
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As an adult, I took my children to visit my mother. My mother was now old, and most of her family had died, but we still would have a picnic and then go to the beach and watch the fireworks. To this day my children treasure the summers spent with my mother. It is so important after your loved ones have died to continue to make the memories for those who are still alive. These memories are a part of us throughout our lives and even after we die.

Dr. Ajmal Zemmar, a neurosurgeon at the University of Louisville, organized a study on an 87-year-old man who had seizures. The study’s purpose was to record the brain’s activity during death. “Just before and after the heart stopped working, we saw changes in a specific band of neural oscillations, so-called gamma oscillations, but also in others such as delta, theta, alpha, and beta oscillations. Brain oscillations, also known as ‘brain waves’, are patterns of rhythmic brain activity. Through generating oscillations involved in memory retrieval, the brain may be playing a last recall of important life events just before we die, similar to the ones reported in near-death experiences,” Dr. Zemmar said. “Something we may learn from this research is: although our loved ones have their eyes closed and are ready to leave us to rest, their brains may be replaying some of the nicest moments they experienced in their lives.”

I can take this even further because when a spirit communicates with me, he or she shows me the cherished moments in their lives. Yes, at the time of death but even long after the brain dies. The spirit part of the mind lives on in these very important moments.

Go today and make the memories that will become part of your being, long after death, and that will live inside the hearts of the living.

Last month, I wrote about a mother’s grief, so this month I want to touch on a father’s grief. In my work as a medium, I have sat in sessions with both moms and dads whose child has died. In some sessions, they have sat together; but most of the time, either the mom or dad will come to see me separately. The reason is because only one is ready to communicate with the spirit of their child.
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Kenneth Doka and Terry Martin coined the terms “Intuitive” and “Instrumental” to describe grieving styles. Intuitive grievers experience their grief as very intense waves of emotion. Their feelings are very strong and are fully expressed. Their grief response is usually focused on exploring and expressing these emotions. Instrumental grievers are less feeling-based. They experience their grief more cognitively and physically. They want to problem solve to adapt to the new normal. They often direct their sadness into physical activity. Usually woman are intuitive and men are instrumental grievers. I have also seen men express their grief through their emotions, but most of the time, they feel they must hold it together for their family.

When a couple is coping with the death of their child in such a different ways, it can cause problems in their relationship. A couple came to see me after the death of their six-year-old son. Their son, Will, came into their bedroom very early in the morning asking for breakfast. His father told him it was too early and to go back to bed. As his spirit explained to me, instead of going back to bed, “I was hungry so I was going to the kitchen to get some cookies. Instead of walking down our steps, I felt myself tumbling down. It was so much fun until my nana picked me up, hugged me and took me to a magical place. I thought I was in Narnia.” His parents confirmed to me that Will loved Narnia and that Dad’s mother, whom Will called Nana, had recently died.

Two years later, the father came to see me. He wanted to check in with Will. He explained to me that he and his wife separated because she felt he never grieved Will’s death. She also blamed him for not taking responsibility because he did not get up that morning. He explained to me that every waking moment, he blamed himself. The pain was so deep that he could not cry. Instead he worked all the time to keep his mind busy. The spirit of his son told me to tell his father that it was not his fault. Will woke that morning with a mission, and his mission was to go back to heaven. It would have happened even if both were going down the steps together. Will died instantly, and his father could not have saved him. Finally the tears rolled down the father’s cheek, and he started to sob uncontrollably. The healing had begun.

I still remember, as if it were yesterday, my parents arguing on the back porch. I was only seven, and it was two years after my brother died. My mother’s grief was overwhelming. My mother cried all the time, and my father never shed a tear. He told my mother that his health was declining, and he could not stay in the marriage if she did not control her emotions. My mother came in from the back porch loudly repeating, “Crying on the inside, laughing on the outside.” I never thought my father grieved the death of my brother, but he did. He was an instrumental griever. It took my parents years, but they were able to heal together.

Each person grieves differently. There is no right or wrong. The common thread in every session is that the spirit does not want to be the reason that its two most important people are now miserable because the end of his or her life came too early. Through the grief, remember that your child wants you to heal and that one day you will be together again.

I want to dedicate this blog to all the mothers and grandmothers whose children have died. This is probably the worst fate that anyone can endure.

When I was five, my brother died in a boating accident. The grief that filled my house was unbearable. My mother could not let go. As a child, I could not understand her pain. All I knew was that I lost my mother. No matter how she tried to hide her pain, she was not the mother that I once knew. When I looked into her eyes, all I could see was sadness.
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Years later when I was searching for my spiritual path, I could see that my development was going towards being a medium. I was certain that this was not the right path for me. I wanted to bring joy to my clients, not deal with the sadness of death. I wanted everyone to learn about the love and companionship of their angels. While living in Manhattan, I started teaching angel communication. I struggled to keep the dead away. I was determined, “No dead people.”
I could not bear looking into eyes filled with such intense sadness again.

One of my first sessions was with a woman who had lost her young son. I was determined to communicate with her angels. During our session she started to cry, tears streaming down her face. She said, “I came here because my child is dead.” I could scarcely bear to look at her. If I talked to her child, it would make me a medium, but something was making me continue in spite of myself. “There are a lot of spirits here,” I said weakly. Then I saw a bald, seven-year-old boy lagging behind the other entities. I described the boy, and she told me that her seven-year-old son had died of leukemia. Then she started to cry harder. I told the boy that his mommy wanted to talk to him. It was very important to her. I asked him if he would come forward. “I can’t,” he told me. “Every time I talk to Mommy, she cries. We used to be together all the time. Then I made her sad by becoming sick. I don’t know why she’s still sad. She wanted me to get well, and now I am.” When I told his mother what the boy had said, she was startled at first but then wiped away the tears on her cheeks. She smiled as she hugged me and said, “Thank you. Oh, thank you! I will try to never cry again. Now I can say goodbye and let him be at peace.” That was the last I saw her, but I will never forget her and the little boy who had leukemia. Because of them, I knew that my calling was to be a medium. I knew I could communicate with people who had died, and I knew I could bring comfort to those who loved them.

I spent the following years of my life teaching people that death is the end of a life but not of a relationship. Now when I look into the eyes of a client, I don’t see sadness but instead the courage that enables this person to endure each awakening day.

There is a story of an Orca whale named Tahequah whose baby died shortly after birth. Tahequah could not let her baby go. She could not bare to watch its lifeless body drop deep into the ocean, so instead of letting go, she carried her baby’s body on her back for 17 days. Tahequah’s pod of Orcas swam with her and allowed her to grieve until she was ready to let go. How does a mother let go of her sorrow? All one can ask is for a pod to support you as you carry your grief.

During my work as a medium, I have been asked the same question many times, “Does my loved one send me signs?” The answer is usually, “yes.” Because our minds are so filled with unnecessary chatter, we miss the signs.

My client Yvette was in desperate need of a sign from her deceased husband, Tom. All through our session, she kept asking me, “Why doesn’t Tom send me signs?” Tom’s answer to me was that he always sends her signs. He went on to tell me that he is so happy that she is bonding with their dog. Tom was a true dog lover, and Yvette went along with his passion because she loved Tom. After Tom died, Yvette noticed that the dog was grieving Tom. The dog seemed lost, just as lost as Yvette.
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Yvette explained to me that it was as if the dog understood her grief. One day when she was sitting in Tom’s chair crying, the dog came over to her and put his head on her lap. At that point, she knew that Tom would want her to help the dog. Instead of crying in his chair, she grabbed the dog’s leash and started going on daily walks. Tom’s spirit told me he is so happy that Yvette and the dog are spending this time together and that when they are on walks, he sends her signs. He wants her to look down on the path because he puts a heart in front of her. I told her to try mindful walking and that the answer will come. Yvette looked a little puzzled, but she was grateful and thanked me for our session. A few months later, I received a call from Yvette. She was excited to tell me of the collection of stones, pebbles, leaves and sticks all shaped as a hearts that she has collected on her daily path.

Most of the time, it is much easier for a child to receive messages. A child lives in the moment and does not question the signs. For a child, death and spirit communication is natural. Sharon has been studying with me for years and really does understand the journey of a soul. Yet after her mother died, even with all her understanding, she went through a considerable amount of grief. Sharon felt comfort in speaking to her granddaughter about her mother. This is a beautiful story that Sharon shared with me. “When my mom passed, my then 7 year old granddaughter said ‘Gigi, I asked Gram to send me ladybugs.’ I told her how nice that was, and soon after, my granddaughter started calling me whenever she saw a ladybug in her room. She would say, ‘Gram sent me another ladybug!’ I always thought how cute it was but thought it was a coincidence. That was nearly two years ago, and she has called me more than a few times to tell me about another ladybug in her room. About a year ago, my daughter moved into a new house, and my granddaughter called me to tell me the same thing…that my mom was sending her ladybugs in her new room. Honestly, I still chalked it up to coincidence, but a few months ago, I was over at her house, sitting with my granddaughter in her bedroom. We started talking about my mom and she told me again about a ladybug that she had found a week or so ago. I told her how nice that was, and we started talking about something else while playing a game. A few minutes had passed when I looked up and saw something on the ceiling. I didn’t have my glasses on and automatically assumed it was a spider. I said ‘Kinny, is that a spider up there?’ She looked up and much to my surprise, she said ‘It’s a ladybug…see I told you!’”

Take the time and learn to trust. These gifts can be anywhere.

Our pets are important in our lives. There is no question that we will connect with them in the afterlife. When working as a medium, there are so many times that I see the spirit of my client’s beloved pet wanting to give them a message from Heaven. Animals communicate telepathically in life and in spirit, and this is how I can receive messages from them. The messages that they share with me are always extremely healing.
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Patches was born to a litter in Dale’s neighborhood. Patches and Dale immediately became best friends. Patches lived a good life for eighteen years. After his death, Dale became very involved with his new family. But as the years passed, the ache in his heart grew stronger, longing for his best friend. In a reading, Patches told Dale that he will be back in his arms next year. By the end of the following year, Dale’s work colleague had to give up her young dog because she was moving out of the country. Dale went over to her house just to take a look. For both, it was love at first sight. Even though the dog looked quit different, Dale smiled when he saw the same patch over his eye. The soul of this dog was given the job to watch over Dale.

Joan loved her horses. When her beloved Nicky died, sadly Joan decided that her time as a horse owner would have to come to an end. She was getting older, and the care was difficult. But most of all, she did not want to die and leave her horses feeling alone and abandoned. When I first communicated with the spirit of Nicky, he was considering coming back to Joan, but Joan encouraged him to stay in spirit. She promised him that she would be fine and to wait for her in Heaven. Soon after, Nicky found a beautiful heavenly horse pasture with a new horse friend. Now when Joan communicates with him, she sees him healthy, happy and running free, knowing that one day he will meet her the moment she crosses over.

If you are anticipating the return of your pet, try to relax and trust the process. The exact timing and place cannot be forced. It happens in perfect and divine timing for all souls involved. Just know that whatever decision you make, your souls are bonded, and you will be together either on Earth or in the afterlife.

Whether the love of your life is a dog, cat, horse, bird, guinea pig or any other animal that has won your heart, remember their soul is connected with you. They may reincarnate many times with you in this life or wait for you to take your last breath to welcome you into the afterlife. Often when I am communicating with the spirit of a loved one, the adored pet from life is still by her side. I have also heard many stories that when the last breath is taken, the beloved pet has come to lead them home. One woman’s spirit told me her horse came to give her a final ride into the light. This undying, eternal power of pure love will continue long after death.

If you would like to learn more about animals in the afterlife, I dedicate chapter 8 in my book “A Second Chance to Say Goodbye” to our pets.